20080409 daily updated.

So there're a lot of things just keep on hammering in my head at this moment, including how someone fucked up my life and why there's another one is doing the same thing to me now. It's just fucked up. But I didn't choose to get any actions to revenger or respond, 'cuz from my previously experiences, I know it just gonna get worse and nasty if I choose to do that.

What else should I say??

I had a weird dream last nite (technically, this afternoon): I dreamed about I was laying on a little boat acrossing the black ocean, then someone who I never expect he will show up in my dream just came from those deep water, getting into my boat, and gave me a kiss. I was shock. Ok, I admit the first time I saw him in the real life I think he's quiet cute, but just "quiet cute", you know? Then I heard he's from one of place I love in this earth (it's weird, I always in love with people who come from that place), I was like, ok, you beat me, you win the game. But there was another one showed up like one week ago, I didn't think about him that much these days. And then this eccentric dream came out, I was like, oh ok, whatever. Yup, you know, my favorite word also I think it's really useful to face any situation-WHATEVER.

So what's new with my life? Let's me think, beside my aunt keep on spending my money and seems like she doesn't wanna give it back to me and my dad keep on asking to take the job which I'm sure I will got fried in 2 days, only one new thing coming out is my atm card is totally fucked and I'm so fucking broke now. Sounds pathetic, right? But yay, whatever. I told my dad if I can't figure out what I gonna do before my 24 b-day this year, I think the most amazing b-day gift I will give myself gonna be hang myself or just jump from our rooftop and see what's happend. But you know what my dad say after I told him these? He said, "no you're not allowed to do that ' cuz your insurance won't pay anything to us if you end up yourself by your own hands, so die in an accident will be much better for both of us." I was like, are you kidding me? Who the fuck is talking to me now? A stranger or the one I SUPPOSED to trust him most than anyother in this world? Well, it was not a nice thing to hear but I can't believe these shits are actually from MY DEAREST DADDY'S MOUTH.

But you know what? Whatever. Sorry for keep on saying whatever 'cuz I really can't find anyword to describe my feeling now. I just want money back and do the thing I wanna do in the rest of my life, but it seems like no one ever care. Oh god fuck that shit, I don't need too much money I just need some can afford Absinthe and another pack of red marlboro, that's all.

God!!!!