20071116 daily updated.

i post it cuz i like this lyrics a lot, so enjoy.

[VOW]

I can't use what I can't abuse
And I can't stop when it comes to you

You burned me out but I'm back at your door
Like Joan of Arc coming back for more

I nearly died
I nearly died
I nearly died

I came to cut you up
I came to knock you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
I cam to shut you up
I came to drag you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
And break your soul apart

You burn and burn to get under my skin
You've gone too far now I won't give in
You crucified me but I'm back in your bed
Like Jesus Christ coming from the dead

I nearly died
I nearly died
I nearly died

I came to knock you up
I came to cut you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
I came to rip you up
I came to shut you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
And break your soul apart

I nearly died
I nearly died
I nearly died

I came to cut you up
I came to knock you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
I came to shut you up
I came to suck you down
I came around to tear your little world apart
Tear your little world apart
Tear your little world apart
And break your soul apart

I can't stop when it comes to you
I can't stop when it comes to you
When it comes to you
When it comes to you

{and shirley always sings this on their live:}
I feel upset
So let's do some celebrate
I feel upset
So let's do some celebrate
Everytime I see your dick
I see you come in my bed
Everytime I see your dick
I see you come in my bed
You ain't gonna need no leather clothes
You ain't gonna need no leather clothes
'Cuz you're loving on my time
My dear

20071018 Dandy Boy

You came to me like a shinny star,
with the big smile on your face, listening to your i-pod.
Walking and dancing like no one around,
oh baby come on, come tear me apart.

I put on my thong, I wanna be your slut,
will you take off all my clothes and have a body shot?
Oh my god why here getting so hot?
I think I need to drink more tequila.

Mm, uh-uh, oh baby can you give a little
Ohh-la-la, taking off your prada at my balcony,
Make some love, I’m the best boy you ever seem in your life,
Uh-uh, leave the money on the table, honey.

Oh dandy boy, tonite I wanna be bad.
Oh my dandy boy, you know I ain’t a good boy.

I take off my pants and now I am your slut,
but you can only watch, there’s no way you can touch.
Oh my god what is that getting so hard?
I think we need to get more Viagra.

Mm, uh-uh, oh baby come on give me a little
Ohh-la-la, let me be your beautiful dance whore
And make some love, do you got some cream for me do the facial work
Uh-uh, leave the money on my booty, honey.

Oh dandy boy, tonite I wanna be bad.
Oh my dandy boy, you know I ain’t a good boy.

I can take you to the heaven,
and if you want to, come share with my pleasure


Oh, my dandy boy.

20070907 daily updated.

I know it won't be easy, chasing your dream in the rest of your journey.

I admit, I always put my self to the deep depression and starting hate everything I had, everyone I know, including my parents. I'm really afraid that me will capture my mind and take off all of my passion and innocence. I'm really scared.

That's why it took so long so far for me to dominate myself.

These days, I was keep on thinking about "what I want" and "what kind of person I want me to be". That's right, it's all about DREAM. 10 minutes ago, I might tell you DREAM just a obsession which devil starts feeding us since we born, 'cuz not too many people can reach their goal until they get into their grave. I guess I might be wrong. Well, I'm not the lucky one, if my dream coming to me too early then my life will being totally meaningless. Sometime I wanna shoot myself cuz I think everything is so unfair, but I never try to fix it. So who else I'm going to blame for? No one. Also I do believe one thing I used to reject it calls "instant karma", so I know I can't stop hurting people cuz in the end, what they have been through will come back to me. And of course, it won't be pleasant.

So I'm still trying to figure out what I gonna do and what I can do, and I'm really confused and upset in these few months. Then I saw Aung San Suu Xyi's picture, I know I can do anything but the only thing I can't make sure I can do it best or not. I wanna be a big one and make a world to a better place, I wanna help the child like me out, I wanna, I want to......

"No pain, no gain." I guess.

20070826 daily updated.

God. I never need you so much like this than before.

I guess something just gone, and of course I wanna fix it but it will never work out anymore. Like the thing I screwed up or someone I don't talk with them anymore.....or something like that. I miss the feeling of happy so much now. No, I mean SATISFY and SIMPLE. I wish I can pretend there was nothing happen before I fucked, but it's impossible to get a chance like that at all.

How pathetic.

I just find out I lost my passion, the passion which I used to have doing anything I want. Like "I want it too bad so I'm going to get it", not "I GUESS I'm going to get it". Know what I mean? But when can I stop analysing? I mean it's always good to think about the bad result before you going to start work on something. But I don't need it now. I need to find the human nature to get my passion back.

Damn, another craps again. Ok, I'm going to shut myself now.

20070824 daily updated.

You know what? This is how the world looks like-FRAGILE.

I'm not being disappointed or something, I'm just telling the truth. I feel like I always need to take care of other people or try to give them some favor, but I never think about myself-where I'm going in future or something like...... my life. Seriously, I'm that kind of person who can give anyone I lover everything, but here's the question, are they the same kind of people like me?

Hell yes, of course not. Have you ever hear the chinese proverb, "Don't put your hot face on their cold arse." ? That's exactly what I'm feeling now.

I wish I can keep my innocence until the day I die, but it seems doesn't work. Something just gone and killed you already, and there's no way in hell you can take it back. Is that cruel? Yay, a little; but is that necessary? Well, I don't think so.

That's why I said this world is fragile, not delicate. Well, apparently we're hurting our mother of nature now so is it still beautiful or pretty? Facing the truth, nothing you can left but only lost everything you had. And that is the truth, the god damn fucking truth.

I'm not going to wasting my time on someone not important to me anymore. I'm wishing for myself and SCREW YOU, COLD ARSES!!

20080820 down, down, down.

Down, down, down,
to the hole which rabbit yells.
See me through their pointed teeths,
wishing before they suffocate me.

Getting ready to survive, huh?
A misunderstanding running the fairytale, huh?
Reality kills the truth, huh?
Become the person we don't want to be, huh?
Oh dear, oh dear.

Down, down, down,
to the lake which mermaid's proud.
If I can be one of them,
then thing will looks different now.

Be a warrior, can I?
Eccentric or back to the normal?
Victories or lies?
I shall care or not?
So I can made some stories without feeling bad?

Down, down, down,
I said down, down, down.
How far can we stand?
How low can we go?

I don't know,
I really don't know.

20070816 All the good in this life.

All the good in this life by Garbage


Once, when I was a girl,
I couldn't given you a ride for your money.
Oh, but how time have changed,
although you do look cute in those red cowboy boots.
No, you don't mess around,
but you're just a kid, you don't know what it takes.

No one can stop you now,
anymore they call tell the wind not to blow.
Who's going to run you now?
With the rider in the dirt back on estelin turf.
I can't tell you what to do,
you're free as a bird go do what you got to do.

Don't you worry boy, life will come and find you.
You gonna blow their mind, show them all the thing or two.
Don't you worry boy, life will come and find you,
You gonna blow their mind, show them all the thing or two.

All the good in this life, wish for yourself.
All the good in this life, wish for yourself.
All the good in this life, wish for yourself.

All the good in this life, wish for yourself.

20070815 daily updated.

friend, friend, friend. which one i can take him/her as my FRIEND?

i though u r good enough, until i found out u are just being a bad arse. first, when i go to nyc to visit you, u got fucking pissed and i don't even fucking know where's ur home; and then now u r telling me i'm a loser for u just because i didn't fucking tell our senior high school teacher what u fucking doing in nyc. do u think i really fucking know u r doing there?

oops, sorry, i though u taking the drug and smoking pot every single moment. come on, dude, u told me last weekend like u r doing the p.r job for hilton hotel, now u said i SUPPOSED to know u r a bartender in the restaurant now. what the fuck is that?

man, u r wasting my time. i'm already wasting it by my own, plz plz just grow up. the only thing u r good at is showing off what kind of big people u met in nyc. come on, fuck that! shut ur mouth and try to calm down, dude.

i don't know what to say now, and i don't even feel bad. surprise? i guess i've wasted fpr pretending all the friends around me like my family, but the truth is, they r not. even u, dude. i need to tell u now, u r just a deadwood and i'm pretty sad cuz i can't use u anymore. that's what i came for, that's why we were friend. is that clear?

suck it up or suck ur own ball, fucker.

20070811 daily updated.

Picture.


in the middle of the night,
i saw the picture of us from her words.
our madness, our happiness,
nothing can be saved but my sorrow.

the picture of you,
the picture of me,
the picture of you and me,
the picture of you and she,
i can't even remember how i came through all these things.

i remember that night was so cold,
i couldn't let the image cross the river of my soul.
she looked like a lovely lady as known as she is,
but her smile was tearing my heart to a black hole.

i couldn't remember how i got home,
i couldn't remember how to walk.
then i saw the letter i wrote,
i figured out i'm just diving in the hollow.

and you were laughing on the top of the hill,
like what you did in the picture.
the only thing i can do just fading in your shadow,
my life as well.

my life as well.

20070806 daily updated.

New York, New York. I want to be a part of it, big apple.

Yes, I have graduated already and just find out I don't need to do the stupid military thing in my country by my heart condition. Well, I can say, life is turning too good than what I imagined but now I'm getting very emotional and nervous now.

Moving to New York city always is the dream of my life, and I know it's going to be tough and hard. But I have tried so hard after I graduated, I still can't find the way I can staying there legal without getting a citizenship or green card. Like what I just said. it's gotta be tough. Even though my first New York experience is not really good, but I don't know, I just like the atmosphere there and I know if I can make it to big apple, then I can make it almost everywhere I want.

But anyway, yes, job haunting is not fun though, especially in Taiwan. From the TV news and what my father always says, most of people feel pretty disappoint and worry about the future of our country. Apparently, our president (which one I was support him before but now I just realize how dumb I was) didn't do the good job. Everything is getting really expensive here, not only oils, our food or anything are necessary for our life is getting really really rediculous expensive, but our payment getting lower and our duty getting heavier as well. At first I though it just a problem between the dream and reality, but now I guess not only these shits, there might be more stuff behind this to cause this shitty situation happened. Well, if I have money, of course I wanna move out from this country and take my family fly away, but another problem coming out which one is: the rich people getting richer but the poor people getting poorer. And why?

I don't know, I just feel like everything is turning unfair these days. It's not about jealousy, it's just ......unfair. And the media supposed to be make people getting positive not just tell us something like the celebrities' rumors or their fashion sense...... blah blah blah. Don't you think? I guess we're in the same though, but let's ask to ourself a question now: if you got a newspaper without anything about Paris Hilton and Linsay Lohan or Britney Spears, will you still interests in this newspaper or just throw it away?

I don't know, I think some rumors can be fun to discuss with your friend when you guys having a coffer enough, but not let it come in to our life like full time job. I guess now I just will keep it away and find a balance between my dream and reality. Race you to the bottom!!

20070625 daily updated.

what make a good boy turning bad??

i know it's stupid that i find some reasons to proof i'm not that innocent, but who the fuck care though? i got really really bad luck these few months, and i'm totally sick of it, and done with all these shits as well.

i need to be honest, i was thinking about maybe i should just go getting a gun and shoot myself- for what? i just graduated, i can't find any ideal job. maybe you will think about i'm just the way too picky, i will tell you shut the fuck up first then. people are just selfish. so here's the question: if youre friend tell you he/she wanna end up his/her life by their own hand- which means SUICIDE- ,what you gonna do??


A.of course not!! you should cheer up and everything will be better tomorrow!!

B.well,i wish i can help you but sorry i can't.if you think that's the best way for you,thend do it.


which one will be your answer??


*for the people who choose A.-
you're an arsehole. for some shitty reasons you don't want your friend suicide just because of you're greedy and dominative. you wanna be the king of the world, yes? anyway, you better just keep your friend away, cuz you don't even understand what they're thinking when they tell you they wanna kill themself. and the truth is, if they ask you for help, are you sure you will help them out from the hell? no,you will never. bitch.

*for the people who choose B.-
you're so smart and lovely. i mean, i'd love to make a friend with you. maybe because you're not fake, and you're the truth. well, just keep away from all these dramas, maybe your friend will think you're not his/her good friend, but who care? the world is cruel, you need to protect yourself. because one day, your friends will become youre enemies. sometime being cold-blooded is kewl, silence is gold. btw, there are too many people on this planet as well, so let some people kill themself will be helpful.


let's shoot ourself together and go to heaven!!

20070522 daily updated.

what else??what else??

i can't treat people like a shit,but why u need to push me to do that??yes,i'm telling you,i'm not smile by my heart when u see me,i'm smile for pretending i'm strong to take all this shits.is that clear?is that clear?

if i really kill myself,will you care about me?
if i really hurt myself,will you see my scar?
i know it sounds silly for what i just said,but that's what i feeling now.

i can't even tell myself how to do now,cuz i'm too far away from reality.don't ask me why i treat u like a shit,cuz i can't even treat myself like diamond.and don't ask me why i care about it,cuz i do,or u can say,i used to be.

i couldn't care less anymore.i couldn't.

20070518 daily updated.

sometime,something can be simple.

now i only have like a few weeks left for school,and i can't wait to get out from here.well,even i haven't find the job offer yet,but just let me get out of this country and those ugly ppl for god sake!!

but yup,job haunting shit is really annoying me these days.i feel like i'm in the cage,and i know actually finding a job is not that hard.just...i just wanna do something i really like,but apparently there's no offers i can take it.oh god,i'm such a mess.maybe u will ask me like,"how about moving to nyc??",yeah right,give me a green care first then i will move there for sure.

feeling tired,gonna go sleep and try to make me stop thinking about this shit.nite,baby.

20070416 daily updated.

yes,i quit my hosting job,and i lost a lot of friends as well.

i don't know how to express being the most notorious person in my school,cuz it's just the way too retarded.i remember someone told me b4 like,"plz be ready for take the shit from the people who don't like u,cuz they have a thousand ways to kill you.just be quiet and never express ur extreme point of view until u become some one big of the world."true.now i can totally understand what was she talking about.

honestly,the jon i just quited was not an pleasant experience,but i also learnd and realized something from this job i used to have.DO NOT EVER THINK ABOUT U CAN EFFECT THE WORLD B4 U BEING REALLY BIG,AND DO NOT YELLING SOMETHING WHICH ONE U THINK U MIGHT HELP SOMEONE WHEN U ARE STILL NO ONE.is it clear??or u will be like me,becoming a god damn huge joke in ur life,even in this world.

i was wondering about what bring this shit coming to my life,but i can't even find an answer.it's just ....fucked-up.i'm sure u know what i'm talking about.and i can't believe i still need to handle this shit even i'm going to graduate soon.but the good thing is,i realized some one tell u they r ur FRIEND but actually they r not,and being quiet is always the best option if u really need to pick up one.

so,being famous is not that interesting,especially when u r still too young to handle this.sometime u think u didn't change after u were someone big,but the point is,THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU WILL BE CHANGED.maybe b4 u weren's famous u don't need to worry about every single thing u said,u did;but now they might just watching u no matter u r close with them or not.it might be ur weakness for them,and they might take ur weakness to take as their weapons and trying to ruin ur life.if u don't think u can handle it,then shut ur mouth and be quiet.that's what i'm going to do next.

but i still believe,"what goes around,comes around".it's a real wrold which one is pretty cruel.i just fell over,but i'm sure i will be the way much stronger than i used to b4.

people r not that innocent like what u though b4.is that true?

20070216 my crazy life.

i can't believe my life getting soooooo busy like this which one i didn't expect for that.

i just start working on the new project for the new show i'm going to host,and had signed the contract as well.the show calls"RollStar",it's kinda like a musical program but only talk about the indie music enviroment in taiwan-which one was my favorite before.and the contract said i need to host for 2 seasons,which one means 26 episode as well.crazy,huh?

and the point is,the show was supposed to be air in the MTV channel in taiwan,but now they just seperate for 2 version-one will be on MTV,but the version i'm going to do now will not air on MTV channel.surprised??don't take it as a bad thing or start thinking about how stupid i am to take this job.just listen to me.the version i'm going to do will be air in all the mcdonald's restaurants in taiwan,and that also means will be air in almost 300 spots around my country.and the time for airing will be 5~7pm,which one will gather more people to go to mcdonald as well.and not only this,they will air these 2 seasons of this show for one year,so now u can see me anytime u want,even though u just wanna sit down and eat ur big mac,but u will still see me in ACCIDENTLY.so gross!!

it seems like this is a pretty good chance to me for training my hosting ability,but i must to say this will be the most defficult job i have ever had so far as well.the show will be in chinese,but i usually speaking chinese REALLY REALLY FAST and usually people can't understand what i'm talking about;second,i did love indie-music a lot,but i'm not really understand all the indie-music sistuation in taiwan very much.and tomorrow is the first day for the longest holiday in traditional chinese family of the year -the chinese new year!!i REALLY REALLY WANNA TAKE A LITTLE BREAK,cuz i was so busy in last semester.but i don't think i can,i need to searching for some information about my new show until it's too late.

the show will be air in the end of march,and we also planning to invite some great indie artist start a little tour at some mcdonald's around taiwan.and maybe i will be there and hosting the show like the "TRL" thing.it will be the huge challenge for me from this job.but i don't care about the insurance for taking this chance or something like maybe i will f*ck-up the show.cuz i take it as another experience for me and maybe i can take this experience to apply some tv-production companies in NYC as well.anyway,we are setting the website and blog thing now,and i also will write something in the website and maybe recommend some great indie musician i knew from another country or myspace......i will post the link later.

20070214 "f**k-u"attitude.

i know today is the god dang valentine's day,but the thing i'm going to talk about today is the "f**k-u" attitude from all the people i've met so far.

i think i'm just the way treat people too nice.cuz i used to think if u treat people nicer,then u will get the same thing in return.but now,i'm sorry i have to tell you,i'm not in the same though.and i won't give a sh*t anymore.

the series producer of "5 takes"-who is also the teacher of my life-told me,"treating people nice is a good thing,but sometime u need to protect urself first.".now i can totally understand what he talks about.there r too many people around me who i take them as my FRIENDS,but after my journey of u.s.a,i finally realize one thing i have to change imediately is-i should stop always being nice to the people who just trying to hurt me or something.seriously,i can't look at them in the same way i used to do now,and who the f*ck will care about it?cuz they don't look me in the same way which one is pretty bad now,either.they didn't even put me in their eyes b4,they just living in their pathetic dream which one i think it's totally rediculous.

so maybe i should explaine the thing i said i can't look them in the same way now.i know more people know me from the world now,but for me the most important thing i got from my trip is-i have more confidence for myself than b4.it's not about growing up and being cocky by the fame i got,it just about change.especially u've tried so long for paying the respect for your "friends" but after the few times,u find out there's no way in hell to take it back in return.then the next thing u usually do is asking for urself,"what for?".and i found it now.seriously,people usually like get the good comments about themself no matter is fake or not.so just be polite to everyone u meet,even though he/she is ur best friend around the world.but remember,if they r really ur friends,they will never push u to the hell again especially when u r in the huge trouble or feeling depress.they can tell u how cruel the world is it but not trying to ruin you and show u how good they are.so,if u have some "friends" like this,the best suggestion i can give it to you is "say good-bye to ur friend and make them feel how painful for being in hell."

anyway,i didn't meant to be a bi*ch,i'm just speaking the truth.and of course i'm not always as happy or hilirious as what u saw from me on tv.be totally confident about urself and also be appreciate for the people who hurted you before.cuz it reminds of u will never wanna be the worst person like them.happy valentines!!

20070211 after "5 takes:U.S.A"

right,i can tell "5 takes :u.s.a" will be one of the bext experience of my life.i never expect i can be on the international tv show,and i didn't expect when i walking on the street of nyc,people can recognize me there.that pretty crazy and unbelievable to me.

i was talking with jaime last nite,and i told her like i think "5 takes" experience is truning to a nightmare to me so far.she was like "how come??",and i guess she think what i told her next it doesn't make sence to her.seriously,i always had one dream which one is to proof something to the world (not only to my family and friends),but i think i'm still to young to do that.i though i can look back after this like i didn't leave my country before,but i'm sorry,i can't.i can't even go back to the job like working in the restaurant or the bartender in the bar.and anotrher point is,i'm going to graduate.i need to start thinking about what i wanna be and where should i put my future in the rest of my life.i can't keep on hanging around anymore.

am i becoming too greedy??i gues i am.even my father told me my greedy makes sence cuz i'm still to young,and he told me an old chinese phrase "少年得志大不幸".well,i can totally understand what that phrase about.he told me like it's not my fault to want more,but the point is doing the best on what u r doing.i can't just wait for the chance coming,i need to find the chance by my own.i agree with him.at leats he's always the wisedom one who give us help in the family.well,my mom as well.

so,it's the end.i'm looking for another memorable experience in my life.i don't care how much u r going to pay me but plz plz,i'm begging you,just let me do the thing i want to do before i get into this extraordinary world.is it hard?it never be hard.just firgure out what i want first and see what happend.